


A New Chapter Begins With Every Goodbye

by SkeiFire



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Fantroll Insertion, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grubs, Pale Kankar, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeiFire/pseuds/SkeiFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is KANAYA MARYAM, and you’ve grown a bit too attached to the grub-forms of the dancestors.</p><p>[Massive amounts of fluff, and a lot of Rosemary. Vantas, Strider, and Megido briefly appear.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Chapter Begins With Every Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Playinghooky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Playinghooky/gifts).



"Karkat, why are you here so late? What are you doing with Horuss? You are improperly handling that grub, put him down right this instant!"

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IMPROPERLY HANDLING? THERE IS NO ‘PROPER’ WAY TO HANDLE A-- OWW!”

You approach Karkat at a brisk pace in order to give him a good smack on the back of the head, removing the wriggler from his grasp and pressing the troll-child against your breast. The small blueblood is screeching wildly at the commotion, all six of his tiny wriggler legs flailing as he leaks blue dismay fluids. Sleepy clicks from the other eleven grubs sound in your ears as you purse your lips, eyes narrowing as you turn away from Karkat, huffing indignantly.

"I leave to use the load gaper for five minutes and I return to find my charges in distress! Are your hearing ducts malfunctioning, Karkat? Horuss has been crying ever since you touched him, and you've upset Rufioh as well!"

“WELL IT CAN’T REALLY BE CONSIDERED MY FAULT IF HE DECIDES TO BE A BIG BABY, I WAS JUST MOVING HIM OUT OF THE WAY SO I WOULDN’T BUMP HIS RECUPERACOON AS I WAS PASSING THROUGH.”

"Lower your voice, Karkat, you're scaring him."  You coo, your expression softening as you begin to hush the pupa in your arms. An exasperated sigh comes from your friend, loudly muttering something about “CRAZY JADE BLOODS” and “HUMANISTIC MOTHERING TENDENCIES”. You don’t respond to these obvious ploys, instead focusing on comforting the crying wriggler as Karkat considers his options.

“Look, Kanaya,” he says at a normal level (which is pretty much a whisper for him), “I know you’re really invested in taking care of these little shi-- I mean, grubs,” he corrects when your eyebrow sharply cocks, “but don’t you think it’s about time you gave them up?” You see Karkat shift out of the corner of your eye, crossing his arms. His pity-concern is endearing, but you’ve heard this speech too many times to give him the time of a perigee. “We can only keep them for so loNG BEFORE SKAIA NEEDS THEM BACK. YOU KNOW, SO--”

“Karkat, volume.”

“--WE CAN, Ugh, so we can maintain the integrity of the alpha timeline.”

“You need not remind me,” you quip matter-of-factly. Horuss has reduced his shrieks to quiet chirps, and you gently tickle one of his thoracic legs, making him squeak. Karkat’s fingers tap impatiently, obviously wanting to talk in a bit more detail, and you give a muted sigh. “I’ll be back, little one,” you gently stroke the grub’s silky black setae, placing him into his strange “bed”-structure that Rose bought a few months ago. Once you tuck the now-quiet blueblood back under his covers, you motion for Karkat to follow you out of the nursery, closing the door to allow the two of you some privacy.

"I understand that you've had unfortunate experiences with grubs in the past, Karkat, but we simply cannot abandon them to the meteors yet.” You start stiffly, turning to face your “leader”. Karkat shakes his head, his brow furrowed in its typical fashion. He’s wearing one of Dave’s shirts, as well as a pair of pants that don’t look to be Alternian in nature. He was all too eager to shed the clothes that reminded him of the past (and Dave’s were the only other clothes that fit). His black hair seems more disheveled than usual today, sticking up in odd places as if he had been running through it constantly. His lips quirk. You let him respond.

“IT’S NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT, KANAYA.” He begins. His hands grip his forearms, squeezing every now and then.

“Why not?” You counter. "All I'm doing is sparing them from the possibility of being raised in an environment similar to our own.” You realize the futility in your own argument as it passes through your talk blaster. Karkat seems to register the change in your expression, but you suppose he needs to say it anyway.

“BUT IF THEY DO GO BACK AFTER BEING CODDLED, AND THEY DO ARRIVE ON A PLANET LIKE ALTERNIA…” His eyes stare into yours. You don’t finish his sentence, stubborn even in your defeat.

“...THEY’LL GET CULLED, KANAYA. YOU KNOW THAT.”

"But wouldn't they get put back onto Beforus?" You argue. You’re not afraid to admit it: you don’t want to give them up. Albeit selfish, you can’t willingly submit these grubs, these innocent wrigglers, to an unknown fate. Roxy had given you the matriorb she had created with the guidance of the Condesce, as the game had ended before it could be used in the Queen’s plot. This was the post-game cleanup. Where everything needed to restart the chain was wrapped up, and the alpha timeline was finally released from its relentless drive for linear perfection. You knew why Karkat was anxious. You could smell it on him.

“IT’S POSSIBLE, BUT ARADIA SAID--”

“Yes, but Rose said, as well.” You insert quickly.

Karkat’s seed flap stops moving for a moment as he’s caught mid-sentence, and you watch his thoughts quickly rework themselves as his eyebrows scrunch together. “IT’S TIME AGAINST LIGHT, KANAYA. WE CAN’T FIGHT OUR ASPECTS, AND IT’D BE A PARIAH'S QUEST TO TRY PROTECTING THE GRUBS FOR TOO LONG. WE’D DIVERGE AFTER ALL OF OUR EFFORT, ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT,” he swallows, “... AND ALL OF OUR SACRIFICES.”

The faces of your deceased friends flash between you. The air is heavy. You take a breath.

“I know, Karkat. But I trust her.”

“I DO TOO. BUT I DON’T WANT TO TAKE ANY RISKS, ALRIGHT?”

“...She’ll wonder where they've gone.”

“YOU DIDN’T TELL ROSE ABOUT ANY OF THIS?”

You shake your head slightly. The two of you had spent so much time bonding over taking care of the grubs that they had become a natural part of your relationship. Rose had been the one to suggest raising the grubs in the first place, and she had assured you there would be no reprimands for such a course of action. You bite your lip. Had she been wrong?

“GODDAMNIT KANAYA,” he swears at you, but not out of spite. You shrug slightly. You’re not particularly regretful of the decision that you made with your significant other, and as far as you’re concerned, nothing bad has happened yet.

“If you're so concerned about this, what do you recommend we do?”

“THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY TO HAVE ARADIA SEND THEM ON THEIR WAY, OR HAVE DAVE USE SOME OF HIS ‘WICKED SHIT’ TIME LOOPS TO GET THEM TO THE RIGHT PLACE. ARADIA SAID THAT WE HAD A SWEEP OR SO TO WORK WITH BUT I’D RATHER BE EARLY THAN LATE.” Karkat replies, his hand shifting up to tap his chin. You step back towards the door, allowing him room to pace in the small corridor. The cottage has relatively thick walls, so you’re not too concerned about the grubs overhearing your conversation, and everyone else is in the main house. You close your eyes as the two of you think your own thoughts. Unsurprisingly, you go back to how you ended up here in the first place.

After winning the game by defeating Lord English, the survivors had discovered themselves back on Earth; trolls included. The upside had been that all of the wealth accumulated in the game had transformed into valid Earth currency, even the boondollars that were harvested on Alternia. Though the Trolls were now inserted into the smothering position of being homestuck (lest they be discovered by humans and ostracized, or worse), they had also retained their SBURB abilities. You had the working theory that this was only possible because the game’s effect had not subsided. And based off of that, Karkat had theorized that as long as the grubs were still in your possession, the threat of divergence would remain.

You open your eyes. Karkat had stopped pacing and started staring at you silently, still waiting for your response. Your throat feels parched, but you know it to be nerves. The possibility is real. And at the moment, you can’t help but feel like Karkat is accusing you of sabotage.

"I just want you to know that I've put thought into all of this.” You say quietly, your hands clasping behind your back as you lean against the wall. The block paper feels strange on your fingertips, but Rose had encouraged you to utilize any variety of Earth decorum you felt appropriate while customizing your humble abode, and so you did. To think that humans had come up with a way to colorate their Respiteblocks, it was a feat that you felt to be awe-inspiring. Karkat tisks under his breath, making your eyes flick from the floral patterned walls to his face. You can see the mutant red blood beginning to pool in his irises, changing their usual black to a strange brown color. It looks… Human, almost.

“I KNOW YOU HAVE. BUT… I’M JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR ALL OF US, OKAY?” Karkat grumbles, showing a strange amount of concern.

“Don’t pity me, Karkat.” You say softly, quietly moving towards him. He flinches backwards, but you put your hand on his shoulder, looking him squarely in the eye. "I know what I'm risking, and I'm willing to accept it."

“AND WHAT IF I TELL YOU THAT I’M NOT OKAY WITH YOU RISKING IT?” He counters. Your eyes widen sharply, but he stands resolute. You feel his shoulder tense as he clenches his fists.

"...Go to sleep, Karkat. We can discuss this in the morning."

He primes his words to stop you, but you move away, opening the door to the nursery and putting a finger to your lips. You turn away quickly, trying to erase the guilt you feel as you close the door on your friend.

His eyes don’t leave your mind, even as you hear him walk out of the house.

Being a Rainbow Drinker allows you to forego your need for rest in lieu of blood. That being said, you have to exert an excruciating amount of restraint not to rip apart the grubs every time you’re left unattended with them. In the darkness of the nursery, you exude a small amount of light, allowing you to maneuver amongst the cribs. Upon your return to the cave-like darkness, you hear nothing but shallow breathing and the occasional snore or mewl.

And then, a light turns on in the next room, illuminating a silhouette that you know all too well.

You feel your heart sink as a finger is waved in your direction. The figure recedes into the bedroom, and you make sure sure to keep quiet around the sleeping wrigglers. You walk into the light, squinting as you softly close the door. Rose is expectantly sitting on the edge of the bed, her back straight, legs crossed, and eyes trained on you. You know what she’s going to ask-- you can only brace yourself for it.

“Would you like to explain what you were talking about with Karkat?”

You make a sort of strangled noise. This was a conversation you had been hoping to avoid, but thanks to your _friend_ , it seemed like this was going to be a rather messy discussion.

“Well, Kanaya?”

"I... I'm sorry, Rose. I had been planning on telling you when the time was right."

“When the time was right for what? Kanaya… I’m worried about you. You’ve been looking more and more stressed lately,” the lithe girl, now woman, stands. She’s still wearing her button up satin blouse and the black pencil skirt from work, and you can’t help but lick your lips, even though the air is tense. She lifts an eyebrow, glances down at her outfit, then looks back at you.

Oh gog, you’re in for it now.

"Y-Yes, well, the grubs are almost a sweep old now, and they've been requiring more attention lately as their limbs start to fall off." You stutter at the beginning but recover your senses. Rose begins to saunter towards you, casually undoing the buttons on her cuffs.

“I see… So you’re getting tired then, is that it?” She asks, and you nod in agreement, trying to get out the easy way. It doesn’t go as smoothly as you planned, because she suddenly pushes you against the wall and puts pressure on your shoulders, holding you in place. With your natural strength, you could easily fend her off, but the sheer amount of intimidation she was exerting had practically immobilized you. She was intent on getting the real answer out of you, and you weren’t going to get off so lightly.

“Kanaya....” She trails off, her face close. You see her eyes flick between yours, searching. You start to glow a bit, nervously looking away. One of her hands moves to your chin, forcing your gaze back towards her. Your knees feel weak. You’re going to slip up, she’ll get mad, it’ll ruin your 3 sweep relationship and oh gog you can smell her blood and see it pulsing through her neck and it looks so _good_ \--

“Tell me the truth, Kanaya. I’ll make it worth your while.” Her voice lowers to a bare whisper, her mouth moving so smoothly that it’s hard to believe she even spoke. You gulp visibly, and you see the corner of her lips twitch up into a smile. She knows your weak points better than you do, and when she wants something, she’s relentless. The hand on your chin trails down your neck, then teasingly pulls at the top of your shirt. You steel yourself by biting your tongue… yet in the end, you know you won’t be able to hold out for long.

Her porcelain neck is exposed, inch by infuriating inch. She drags her collar open while watching you carefully, judging where to pause in order to cause the most frustration. You whine between your teeth, sinking against the wall. She’s interrogating you without even saying anything and it’s _working_.

“R-Rose, I--”

“Don’t try lying to me, Kanaya.” Rose interrupted, her fingers caressing your collarbones. You squirm under her intensity for a couple of seconds before finally, you crack.

“It’s... It's about the kids,” you finally say, your eyes squeezed closed. You hear Rose’s breath stop. You had never used that word before, and it felt foreign and strange on your tongue. They were wrigglers to you, but they were children to her, and you felt that you should at least try to explain what was happening in terminology that was less alien for the human.

"K-Karkat has come to me on multiple occasions to remind me of the risk we pose to the integrity of the timeline by keeping the gru-- children, with us." Your anguish bladder is starting to work, and dismay fluid is seeping slowly out of your eyes. Every syllable is painful to say, but you keep going. "I know you told me that it wouldn't change anything, but Aradia has apparently agreed with him, and neither of us are Time players." Your voice fluctuates at irregular intervals due to the fluid’s effect on your squawk blister. Rose releases her grip on your shoulder, and you hear her step away to sit back down on the bed. You don’t want to look to see if she’s crying, but you feel obligated. You’re the harbinger of this news, after all.

Your eyes open, jade-tinged liquid coating your lookstub hairs. She’s in shock. Her back is rigid, but her eyes see nothing. You’re frozen against the wall, trying to decide what to do. Comfort her? Run away? Apologize?

“...Are you sure?” She manages. She recovers faster than you expected, but the answer is simple.

“I… I believe so." You sniff, one hand reaching up to clean your face, though you're too conscious of your clothes to wipe remnants of water on your skirt. "Karkat has been insistent, but I didn't want to accept what he was telling me." Your voice is now calmer than before, but you can’t help the subtle trembling of your hands.

“I see. If Aradia agrees, then I suppose there’s nothing we can do about it.” Rose says. “How much time do we have left with them?” Her eyes move from the wall to you, and you shake your head.

"We have a sweep or so, but Karkat wants us to relinquish them as soon as possible...” You trail off. Regret makes your shoulders sag, and you find nothing else to say. A dreadful amount of time passes as you drown in misery and Rose remains silent, but soon enough, she clears her throat.

“Well then. I guess we’ll have to make use of the time we have now then, hmm?” She says quietly. You can’t muster the words for an appropriate response. How can she be so… positive? You know that Rose has a significantly shorter lifespan than you do, but even so, her forward mentality is almost unthinkable.

You don’t move as she gets up off the bed and smoothes down her skirt, walking back towards you. You had remained standing the whole time, your knees having locked in place after you told Rose about the ‘situation’. You don’t have the strength to move, but you turn your head towards her, solemnly meeting her eyes.

Her fingers gently brush away the rest of the drying fluids on your cheeks. “It’ll be alright, Kanaya.” She smiles, her expression filled with love and warmth. You choke back a sob, your meat tunnel constricting harshly as she wraps her arms around you. Her body is warm and soft on your cold, white flesh. Rose presses against you, and her perfume and shampoo overwhelm your nose. Lavender, vanilla, and a hint of something darker. You breathe it in deeply, easing your muscles, your hands unclenching by your sides. Rose makes a quiet noise of approval into your neck, nuzzling it.

You don’t deserve her. You really don’t. But she’s in love with you, and you’ve been flushed for her for longer than you care to remember. Your arms shakily encompass her shoulders, and you hold her close.

You keep Rose's tender company for well over an hour as she comforts you for the oncoming loss. She smiles throughout recounting many tales of trial and tribulation with the grubs, attempting to cheer you up. It’s almost as if you relive the experience through her words-- and you relapse into them willingly.

“Do you remember, Kanaya,” she begins softly. “When Kankri kept crying, and it was all because he was cold?”

You smile through your tears. "To think that we didn't figure out the answer after meeting Kankri in person with his outlandish red turtleneck." Rose nods in agreement, giggling into your shoulder. The human is slightly shorter than you, but you’re able to rest your cheek comfortably against her head.

“I remember staying up late to knit him a cozzy, even though both of us were exhausted. You made me the best cup of tea I’ve ever had that night.” She sighs, turning her head so her ear rests against your chest. The curve of her neck allows her breasts to lay right underneath your own rumblespheres, as if your bodies were made to fit one another.

“If you'd like, I can easily brew you another."You offer, stroking the nape of her neck. She shakes her head.

“I’d rather you stay.” Her voice is like silk, and you find yourself humming in complacency. Simply speaking with the human puts you at such ease, it’s incredible. Your failed quadrant with Vriska could hardly be compared to the overwhelming feelings inside of you now, and as you feel the beat of Rose’s aquatic vascular system next to yours, your pulse slows to a more reasonable rate.

“What about the time we found the grubs together in a pile, with Meenah inevitably on top?" You chuckle. You had figured upon your first meeting that the fuchsia blood’s dominatrix tendencies must have emerged at a young age, but seeing it in person had been a much funnier ordeal.

“She was enjoying herself, that’s for sure. I think Mituna actually liked being stuck near the bottom,” Rose muses, her fingers drumming against your back.

“Perhaps it was because he was trapped underneath Latula,” you suggest. Both of you laugh at the thought, and the two of you begin to rock side to side.

“Damara seemed so lonely most of the time. She always did act like the most mature of the children. Erm, grubs.” Rose corrects herself, and you sigh quietly.

"Yes. She was one of the only two that did not aid in the raiding of the grubloaf cabinet."

“You mean the cornbread?”

"Whatever it is that you strange humans call it." You reply, kissing her temple before letting go. Rose reluctantly lets you leave her grasp, but you slide your hand down her arm, twining your fingers as you lead her towards the bed.

The two of you sit side by side, leaning on one another. Her head falls on your shoulder again, and you wrap your arm around her, supporting some of her weight. “Cronus, on the other hand, always seemed to be so friendly.” Rose says, her thumb rubbing circles on your hand. “Are grubs typically asocial?”

You hesitate before you respond. These wrigglers would be growing up on Beforus, hopefully, and you didn’t want to scare Rose with the details of the Alternian birth ritual. But after telling her about what was going to happen to them, you figured that the two of you could share the burden of concern together.

"...Well... On Alternia, we were bred to be violent in order to survive. It is not that we were particularly unsociable, it was just that we were taught to kill everything around us from a very young age." Rose seems unphased by this news, which surprises you.

“And what about Beforus, where they’re supposed to have grown up?” She inquires. You shrug your free shoulder.

“I can only guess. Meenah was rather violent upon our first meeting, but she is also of royal blood. The other seemed to be nice enough, though, and the definition of culling differed from ours."

“Coddling instead of killing?” Rose finished.

You nod. "I believe that life on Beforus was much more peaceful for the general populous."

“That’s good. The grubs will do well there then, right?” She lifts her head from your shoulder, leaning back to flop down on the bed. You follow suit, settling in to the warm comforter.

“If not, we would be damning them by keeping them here for much longer.”

Rose lets out a small noise of exasperation. “But they belong on Beforus, which was less dangerous than Alternia. If Skaia wants them back to complete the final time loop, I’d imagine that they’d be transported back to where they originally came from.” She says.

“Is that coming from the Seer part of you, or the logical part?” You ask, and she nudges your arm.

“How about both?” She smiles, rolling onto her side to get a good look at you. You blink up at her, curious as to why she’s staring.

“You know, Kanaya, I think you’re still glowing.” She says, placing her hand on your arm to compare your skin tones. Indeed, her flesh becomes a slight shade lighter when next to yours, indicating that you’re giving off at least a little bit of light. You ‘turn it off’, going back to your now-regular shade of white, and Rose smiles.

“Do you remember when the grubs would cry if they didn’t have a nightlight?” She asks you. You shake your head.

“Such spoiled wrigglers they are. If I didn't have you to give me blood, I would never be able to keep up with the amount of rest that I've sacrificed while pretending to be a light fixture.” You tisk.

She leans in closely and gives you a small peck on the cheek, making you blush. “But they love you for it, and you know that.” She whispers into your ear, laying down and nuzzling up against your side. You shift your arm to more comfortably hold her, staring up at the ceiling as you consider her words. Yes. The grubs love you. And much to your dismay, they’ll be leaving you soon. Is this what a human mother feels like after their child is taken away? You’re reminded of the many experiences you’ve had as the grub’s caretaker, and the many experiences you’ll never get to have. Porrim’s awed face when she found a fashion magazine; the fact that you’ll never get to finish reading the encyclopedia of human meowbeasts to Meulin; that Kurloz will never try to crawl into your vanity stand again; how Aranea will never get to tell you her first 8-letter word, even though she’s so close to learning it.

Your anguish bladder spasms, and the dismay fluid makes your meat tunnel abruptly close. Rose gets up again to see what’s wrong, and her face turns into one of sad concern.

“You’ll miss them, won’t you?” She asks, taking your hand. You nod weakly, breathing heavily in attempt to calm yourself. She coos at you, her fingers gently brushing through your hair. You feel like a grub again, crying and being attended to by a warm, affectionate lusus. Rose places a kiss on your forehead, her voice a low murmur.

“Do you want to say goodbye sooner or later? I think that, if we only have so much time left, it might be better to see them off tomorrow.”

Compared to your thoughts of raising all of the dancestors to puberty, you feel crushed inside. “Tomorrow.” You say, spitting it out like poison. Rose nods her approval, and she pats your hand.

“It’ll be good for them. And us, Kanaya. You’re doing the right thing.”

“How do you know?” You ask, almost defensively. Wasn’t she the one who had told you that it would be alright to keep the grubs?

Rose pauses, then sighs a bit. “I… Suppose I lied to you, Kanaya.”

You freeze.

“I had wanted to make you happy. I knew that we wouldn’t get to keep them forever, but…” She bites her lip, looking away from your face. “...I couldn’t stand the thought of you crying. Yet, here we are.” Her hand squeezes yours, and she looks back as she laughs, her eyes somewhat damp.

You sit up a bit. She lied to you, yes. But you had also lied to her. And both lies had been in effort to make the other happy-- so as far as you were concerned, the two of you were still on the same page.

You wipe the tears from her cheeks, and she leans into your hand. “It's alright. I understand. Are you sleepy, Rose?” You ask her, and she nods. She hadn’t yawned, but you knew her well enough that she contained herself when it came to expressing her own needs. She put you first, and you, her. The feeling was mutual. “I’ll stay with you until the grubs call.” You say, and she accepts your offer by scooting farther up onto the bed, dragging herself along the covers far enough that her head could contact a pillow.

You follow suit, and the two of you then lay side-by-side, basking in tears, emotion, and nostalgia.

“...Kanaya,” she starts. You look over at her. The human’s eyes are closed, and her breathing is even, but you know she’s still awake.

“Yes, Rose?” You respond in a low tone, not wanting to startle her.

“...Do you think,” she takes a moment to continue the thought, “that they’ll really go to Beforus?”

“I don't see why they would not." It’s not a comforting answer, but you know what she’s really trying to ask. Despite the calm she displayed, she too was distressed about leaving the grubs. You take your turn to mother her, and draw her close to your side. She cozies up without complaint, tucking her head against your chest.

“I know this, though, Rose.” You whisper, closing your eyes as you breathe in the smell of her shampoo. “Mm...?” She intones sleepily.

“We will be okay. And so will they.”

She smiles at this.

With nothing left to say, the two of you quietly appreciate each other’s company. You rhythmically pet Rose’s head, listening to her breathing as she slips off to sleep. It’s been a while since you’ve slept. But you’re alright simply watching her. Rose’s skin remains unblemished from her youth, and there are surprisingly few creases in her face. Her lips part slightly. Her features loosen. She looks so utterly at peace in your arms, you can’t help but smile.

You love her. You love the grubs too, but you know that as long as you have Rose, you’ll be alright. The thought pacifies you into a sort of hibernation. You’re caught in a state where you’re not quite awake, but you’re not quite sleeping. You relive your memories with the grubs one last time as the night wears on, and before you know it, the sun starts to stream in from the window at your back. The walls begin to brighten, and your eyes unglaze.

It’s tomorrow.

Through the entire night, Rose had barely moved. She’s still curled against your side, and it’s a bit of an arduous task to wiggle your way out without waking her up (she’s a terribly light sleeper, as you found out long ago). You manage to free your arm and slide away, swinging your legs off the bed and slowly standing up. Your angel remains asleep on the bed in the early morning glow, and for a moment, you think her a goddess. You slip on a pair of house shoes to muffle your steps, then slowly open the bedroom door, creeping into the nursery.

Damara is already awake, her burgundy red eyes peeking over the rim of her crib at you. You leave the door open a crack to let Rose know where you’ve gone then stride over to the rust blood’s recuperacoon, picking her up and cupping her pupa form in your arms.

“How did you sleep, darling?” You ask softly, smiling as you wiggle a finger at her. She clicks her mandibles for a few moments before latching onto your fingernail, gnawing slightly. “Oh, come now. I have better nutrition for you than that,” you chirr, taking the wriggler to a small pen in the center of the circular room. You set her down and tug your nail out of her grasp, then make your way to a sizable cabinet across from the door to your bedroom. A plethora of supplies lay inside, but you only take out a small, fresh bone that has a little bit of meat left on it.

“Here you go,” you say, kneeling down and putting it next to the grub. She squeaks excitedly, crawling to her food before digging in. You can’t help but laugh. _So, so spoiled..._

The other grubs stir due to the noise Damara makes, as well as the smell of food. Aranea is next to demand attention, and as a result, Meenah is desperate to be picked up. You let the blue and fuchsia bloods mingle in a single crib while you cradle a yawning Rufioh, picking up Horuss along the way. Horuss squeaks at the brown blood meekly, but receives only a docile click in response.

And then you get to Kurloz’s crib. Empty.

“Missing again, are we?” You murmur to yourself, rocking Rufioh as he cuddles your thumb sleepily. A quick inspection of Meulin’s bed reveals that Kurloz had managed to somehow get into her recuperacoon unaided. Strange, yes, but he had done it before, and you weren’t particularly worried about him. The two were still sleeping together, anyway, so you let them be.

Although the brown blood was unhappy to leave your arms, you gave him his own bone to eat and put him alongside Damara. Mituna had been draped over the edge of his ‘coon idly until he saw Latula’s head poke over the rim, and that set him off. You pick up the mustard grub (who struggles a bit), then set him down in Latula’s crib. The two start rough-housing before you even take a step away, and you decide to take a precaution against their violence.

“Mituna, be nice. Otherwise, you won’t get to play with her tomorrow, okay?” You warn. The wriggler stops to take notice of you. His wide, red-and-blue lookstubs blink at you briefly, and then he rolls over, flailing his legs as if taunting you.

In response, you poke his soft stomach. He squeals loudly, immediately curling up into a ball. Latula lets out a series of playful chirps, and you smile at them both.

You knew that your warning to Mituna didn’t mean anything. Today was your last day, after all. You probably weren’t going to even get to kiss them goodnight before they were gone. The thought made you sad, but at the same time, you were so, so happy. You were so happy that you had gotten to have so many great experiences with the grubs. You were happy that they acknowledged you as their caretaker, and you were glad that they had grown up so healthily.

_I wonder if they'll be able to tell edible from inedible on their own?_ You wonder to yourself with a chuckle, though you’re quickly pulled from your musing as Porrim waves you over from her recuperacoon without a sound.

“Good morning,” you greet her. “Go+o+d mo+rning!” She responds cheerfully, though she still probably doesn’t know what it means. You pat her head gently, receiving a happy purr from the little jade grub. Aside from Kankri and Aranea, only Porrim had taken an interest in learning how to speak early on. The others simply decided to communicate with sound.

You give Porrim a little something to eat before turning to check on Kankri. It’s strange that he hasn’t already started trying to get your attention, even though he doesn’t form coherent words more than half the time. _Is something wrong?_ You think worriedly, being careful to watch where you're walking as you cross the room.

You reach Kankri’s crib and peer over the ledge. The bright red grub is curled up into a ball in the corner, seemingly upset. You coo gently as you reach into his pen, letting him know that you were picking him up. However, as your hand approaches, he growls loudly, baring tiny, nub-like fangs.

You retract your hands instinctively. Kankri was _never_ hostile. What was wrong with him?

You unlatch the side of the crib so that it swings open, and you get down to eye-level with the little wriggler. He shies away from the sudden space, clicking in alarm. “Kankri, what's the matter?” You ask him. Then, you notice something odd. “Where’s your cozzy?”

The grub shakes his head angrily, then picks himself up to slide off of whatever he had been  up curled on. It’s his miniature sweater, but it looks like it had fallen off. “Did it get too loose?” You ask, looking at him with concern. He simply gives a tearful squeak, burying his head into the handkerchief-sized blanket that lines his bed.

“There, there,” You say calmly. “Here. I'll fix it for you right now,” you offer, standing to fetch your things. Your sewing kit is exactly where you left it those many nights ago, when you had given it to Rose to make the original sweater. You take the kit off the shelf of the cabinet and set the carrying case on the floor under Kankri’s pen, bending over to take out what you needed.

A simple needle and thread solves Kankri’s tears. Three stitches and a little bit of resizing later, you hold up the sweater for Kankri to crawl through and you fit it on him snugly. “Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" You ask before petting his back. He simply purrs, rolling onto his side as he relishes in the warmth of his cozzy.

“Did you give Meenah and Aranea breakfast yet, Kanaya?” You hear Rose’s voice somewhere behind you. You look over your shoulder as you reset the wall to Kankri’s crib in its regular position. Her hair is still meticulous, but she’s changed into a more casual skirt and a loose t-shirt.

“No, could you?” You request, and she nods. The two of you begin bustling together, catering to the needs of the twelve alien children as the day grows warm.

***

Rose hands you Cronus, who’s been blubbering for the past twenty minutes. Honestly, you couldn’t blame the violet colored wriggler. It was a natural reaction to seeing his friends disappear one by one, after all.

“Shh, darling,” you whisper to him, holding him close to your breast. He gives you a weak “wveh”, and you rub your finger behind his fin. He squeaks uncomfortably, obviously not in the mood for laughter. You choke a small sob. You’re not really in a laughing mood, either.

Rose rubs small circles on your back as you hug the wriggler tightly. He latches on to your necklace, hanging on as if for dear life when you pull him away. He shakes his head violently, translucent lilac fluid dripping from his lookstubs. He’s so desperate to stay with you, and he doesn’t understand why you’re giving him away.

Damara had been fine. Rufioh had cried a little bit, but managed a smile before he was whisked away. Mituna had given you an affectionate nibble, and Kankri had been absolutely silent. Meulin gave you a lick on the cheek, Porrim gave you a kiss, and Latula had offered a one-legged “high five”, as Rose had put it. Aranea had been fine. Horuss had been a bit scared, but after you coaxed him into Aradia’s arms, he had gone along as well. Kurloz’s last honk was cut off by Dave’s jump. And now, it was Cronus’ turn.

Even after all of that, you had remained calm. Nothing had phased you, and you had given them all your last goodbye with a straight face. But here was the little sea dweller, trembling, crying, screeching _how could you._

You wish you could convey all of your emotions to this one, tiny wriggler. You pet his setae softly, trying to soothe him, and at the same time, yourself. There’s nothing you can say to convince him, and it’s not like he would understand your words anyway. So instead, you kiss his forehead.

He lets go.

“Good bye,” you say, your throat starting to choke with tears. Aradia smiles at you when you hand her the violet blood, and he only has the chance to give you one last glance before they’re both gone.

Rose squeezes your shoulder, then bends over, picking up Meenah from out of a now-empty basket. Before, it had been a struggle to fit all twelve of the wrigglers into the lined wicker carrier, and now, only she was left. You take the child, but you can hear her growling at you resentfully.

“Good bye, Meenah,” you hiccup. The fuchsia blood doesn’t even look at you as you pass her off to Dave.

“...hey, so, uh, are you sure ‘bout this, Kan?” The red-clad boy, now man, asks you, looking a bit awkward as the grub struggles in his arms. He had asked you the same question each time he had taken one of the kids, only slightly rephrased. Yet this time, he thought of something else to say. “I know this means a hell of a lot to you, and--”

“She’s sure, Dave.” Rose interrupts. Her hand move to your arm, giving you the strength and support you need to nod your head in agreement. You meet her honest gaze, and you feel yourself smile through your tears.

Yes. You’re definitely sure.

The blonde is speechless for a moment. Then, when Meenah bites his arm, he recovers with a loud “fucking-- ow!”, fumbling with the grub as you and Rose laugh at him. He recovers quickly, readjusting his shades once he has a firm grip behind Meenah’s head, supporting her midsection with his other hand. He coughs awkwardly, then nods at you both. You nod back.

He’s gone.

The clearing is completely empty, save for you, Rose, and the basket at your feet. Grass tickles your exposed shins, your red skirt fluttering slightly in the breeze. The back lawn of the mansion that was purchased for the survivors of SBURB had been repurposed for the small occasion of the relinquishing of the grubs. You could feel eyes on your back as your shoulders shook slightly. The others were watching you from the main house. You drag your gaze from where Aradia had stood and look over the cottage sitting a ways away. The door is closed. In the mid-day sun, the structure looks more foreign to you than it had ever seemed before.

You cry. Rose hugs you silently, rubbing your back in slow circles. There are no words that could express the grief of losing the children-- _your_ children-- but Rose understands. And then, you hear something rustle the grass nearby.

“...Dave?” Rose asks, surprise and confusion in her voice.

You continue to sob mutedly, but you listen as Rose turns her head towards her ecto-sibling. Hushed footsteps approach you, and you feel Rose let go of you. What was happening? Was something wrong? You wipe your dismay fluid on the back of your hand, sniffling as you turn towards Mr. Strider, expecting a worried look or perhaps a hug.

Instead, you’re greeted by the sight of a small jade grub that you’ve never seen before nestled comfortably in his arms.

“Dave?” You repeat his name after Rose, your expression morphing into one of bewilderment. The man looks at you through his shades, then glances at the wriggler for a moment.

“So, I found this lil’ guy-gal on the troll planet,” he said, extending the grub towards you. You let go of Rose, instinctively turning towards the pupa in front of you, your hands reaching out to it. The exoskeleton is so soft in your hands, you know this troll to be much less than a sweep old.

“...How…?” You form the question, your eyes still slightly damp from the earlier tears.

“It was about to get eaten by one of the crazy ass monster things,” Dave scratches his head, “so I saved it.”

“Wouldn’t that mess up the timeline, Dave?” Rose quickly asks, shooting a worried look from the grub to her ecto-brother.

He shrugs.“I didn’t feel any ripples coming off of the guy, so I took ‘em. They were… insignificant.” He tested the word, finding it to be somewhat suitable for the situation.

“What do you mean, ‘insignificant?’” Rose queries. You, however, are too busy staring in awe at the young creature in your arms.

“What he means is that the troll’s death would have been meaningless anyway, so there would be no permanent effects on the future!” Aradia responds cheerily, popping back into time after dropping Cronus off. “Dave located the grub earlier while he was dropping Kankri off. I did some scrubbing along the timeline, and voila!” She gives a small flourish in the grub’s direction, “Here he is, safe from paradoxical harm!”

You stare at the jade grub. Then, your eyes slowly lift to meet Aradia’s. She seems as happy as ever, awaiting your reaction with a giddy expression. You look to Dave, who remains his typical passive self. And then, you look at Rose.

Your eyes meet, and there is a silent understanding between you.

_This one is ours._

Tears of pure joy start to seep from your lookstubs. A grub, meant just for you. You turn to Rose and put the wriggler between you so you can hug it together. You could raise this one to puberty. You could raise this one until they were the same age as you, when you had started the game. You would get to hear them say their first 8-letter word. You would get to read the entire meowbeast encyclopedia with them. You would get to kiss and cherish and love this troll for as long as you lived, and for that, you were incomprehensibly more than grateful.

You look back to Dave and Aradia, standing together with smiles on their faces. “Thank you,” you whisper, unable to control your meat tunnel contractions. “Thank you so much.”

The time players leave the two of you to cradle your new child. Even though you had lost twelve, you had gained one-- and that was more than enough of a reason for you to be happy.

The grub is silent, but it’s watching you both with wide green eyes. You hum deeply in your chest, and you know that it can feel it because it begins to click on the same frequency. Rose begins humming at a tone slightly higher than yours. The grub starts clicking more audibly, forming brief consonants and vowels. You smile down at it, and you know that Rose is doing the same.

“Is it a girl or boy?” She asks you quietly.

“There isn't really a way to tell yet," you respond. "It was easy to establish genders with the ancestors because we met them after they had metamorphized, but this wriggler is barely a sweep old." 

The grub seems to recognize you speaking about it, and it opens its jaws wide, showing off a clean set of mandibles. “Charming,” Rose giggles, running her fingers along its setae. 

“Have you thought of a name yet?” She then questions, briefly moving her gaze from the child to you. You look up at her, then nod thoughtfully.

"Even though we typically are not named until our 6th Wriggling Day, I think it is appropriate that we follow at least a few human traditions with this child, seeing as we are in this together."

 

Rose smiles at the end of your sentence, giving you a small kiss. “So we’ll give them a name now. But since they’re a troll, how about it follows your naming scheme?” She suggested.

You nod again. “But they will have a human surname.” Rose obliges, then waits for you to think.

You look down at the jade grub for the third time. Its mandibles click at you, its thoracic legs flopping around slightly. You consider the names of your friends. _No, it would be too strange,_ you decide. But you’re hard-pressed to come up with a name that would work.

A breeze rolls through, ruffling your hair. Your skirt spins, and the grass underneath your feet seeming to surge to life. The world is so alive, and today was the start of a brand new experience.

“Bexila.”

“Bexila?” Rose repeats. You smile, nodding eagerly. It was a suitable name for a jade blood, you thought. And most jade bloods were female, anyway-- but you was sure that it would be alright either way. “Well, alright then. Bexila… Bexila…? Bexila…” Rose rolls the word around on her tongue, and the grub seems to start responding after a couple of times. “Oh, hmm? You like it, do you?” Your partner asks with a giggle, wiggling a finger in front of the grub’s mouth before gently touching their stomach. The grub gives a loud, happy chirp, and you can’t help but hum your approval as well.

“What about their last name, Rose?” You ask.

“I’m thinking, give me a moment.” She requests, creasing her brow briefly. She mutters things under her breath, names you don’t recognize, but it is a few moments before sparks light up behind the lilac eyes you love so much.

“Taylor.”

“Bexila Taylor.” You say. As a whole, it has a nice ring to it.

The grub is purring in your arms, and you lean over to give it a quick kiss. “Bexila Taylor, the jade blood.” Rose says with a glowing tone in her voice. You straighten, and you smile so widely you feel like your face is about to split. Rose leans up to kiss you, and you return it with love.

Through the rest of the afternoon, you enlist the help of your friends to move the other cribs out of the nursery. As Rose directs the moving traffic, you sit in the bedroom with your new baby, cooing its name every now and then. You spent a good amount of time simply sitting there crying out of both loss and happiness with the grub in your arms, staring at it, being reminded of Porrim, then staring at it more, and realizing just how many more adventures you were going to have.

“Kanaya, is everything alright in here?” Rose’s voice drifts in from the doorway.

“Yes,” you respond, not attempting to hide your tears. The woman smiles from the doorway, observing you with your new child.

“Kan-aya.” You hear your name.

It was soft and sweet like fine-grained sugar. Your expression goes from confusion to shock to enlightenment in the same second before you look down at the grub. It seems to be deep in thought, still testing out its vocal chords.

“Kan-ay-a.”

Rose covers her mouth with her hand. You would have done the same, had your hand been free, but you’re left to smile uncontrollably as feelings of wondrous jubilation fill every fiber of your being. You lift the grub closer to your face and nuzzle it gently. “Yes, my precious?” You ask.

“Kanay-a.” It purrs.

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM. You are now the mother and caretaker of a jade blooded troll named BEXILA TAYLOR. And today is by far the BEST DAY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a secret santa gift to the one and only [Jace,](%E2%80%9Dplayinhooky.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D) my friend and lovely sempai. He provided the prompt, and I wrote it for him anonymously.
> 
> He was feeling a bit sad, so I decided to post it for him ahead of time. I kinda spoiled the whole gift exchange thing, but I couldn't help myself... Oh well.
> 
> Merry (super early) Christmas, Jace!


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